Down to this.

1. It’s one of those days where life just hits you right in the face and throws you tonnes of surprises you’d never expect. Surprises aside, they seem to always come down to choices that you have to make and with choices there are the consequences.

2. I always write about this but I think this time round I’m done trying to even care anymore. If things always have to happen this way then I’m just going to let it sort itself out while I move on. I’ve tried, it’s not my place anymore.

3. Done it before, I can do it again.

4. Life is fragile, and I want to learn to treasure and live every minute of it. With the happy parts of life, come the trials and everything else. But I’ll learn to live and love all of that.

5. To you whom my heart cries with now, I pray you’re okay. She was porpor to me too; I’m going to miss her.

6. All easier said than done.

48hours.

One minute I’m panicking about my three essays that are due, next thing I know, I’m sitting in front of the computer in Penang. How on earth does that happen? Well, try, 7hours to Singapore, 10” screen (inflight entertainment is getting too good.), two seats to myself, touchdown at 6am. Go home, crash and completely blackout for a while. Take another ride to the airport, goodfood at the lounge (note to self: travel with Dad more often.) Crash on an hours flight to Penang. Tahdah! (:

At the same time, this really messes me up. Big time. Sigh.
Don’t think too much Mish, you’re on holiday. So BE on holiday. Argh.

Status.

Michelle
…is sitting, wishing, waiting.
…wants to believe in more.
…can’t seem to get rid of rashes. Still it-chee.
…isn’t making much sense.
…figures that there’s not much point in all that.
…knows that You’ll be more than enough.
…trusts and hopes. With everything.

No name.

On a totally different note, I have a totally sweet ride for this snow season. Bring on the powder and slush! Yes, I have to think of what to call him/her. Hehe. My best friend for the winter! Woots (: Will post a picture soon-ish.

I’m feelin’ the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
I’m ridin’ the highs, diggin’ the lows
Cos at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I’m feelin’ you
I’m feeling’ you

-I’m Feeling You,
Michelle Branch feat. Santana

Feeling.

“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.” -Michel De Montaigne

The other side.

She finds it strange, that you could be so close, yet, so far away. 365 seems like a lifetime ago, or was it just yesterday? All the days of plans made, songs sung across 800km, words flying through cyberspace and fibercables. She wonders where they’ve gone? It’s close to half a year. She’s moved, perhaps, you’ve moved. Once in a while (more often than not), you show up with a huge hug, in her wandering mind. She sits alone sometimes, willing those memories to rewind and play again. Nothing has changed. Yet everything has.

It’s autumn again. She knows winter is going to be colder than usual.

Your day.

Dear Mum,
I made apple crumble, awesome apple crumble and the very best tiramisu ever (:
On another note, thank you for all loving me and being the best mum although sometimes I don’t express it. I thank God everyday for you and Dad. I love you lots and we’ll celebrate your birthday and mother’s day all at once when I get home.

Happy Mothers Day.

Grace.

You know how they say that you’ve gotta take a leap and make a move that maybe you’ve never tried before. Perhaps it’ll work out totally opposite to what you expected, and then, you realise that risk, isn’t such a hard thing after all.

I got a job offer which I never thought I’d get, but had to turn them down, did the responsible person thing, as L calls it. On the other hand, it be crazy cool, too crazy cool, to spend 4months in the snow.

Now the prospect of moving halfway around the world to the other side seems more and more tangible everyday. I suppose it is a once in a lifetime thing that I might never get to do ever again, but honestly, I’m scared. I’m not scared of change, I love change in fact. I’m not sure what scares me, actually.

Sigh, Your grace overflows. You’re all I hold onto. Cos’ I don’t know what else I can cling to with my life.

Blackbird, fly.

You are my song in the morning
My lullaby in the night
The solid rock on which I hold onto
On Your wings I will soar
In You I find my freedom
You are my inspiration

Take these broken wings
And learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

-The Beatles, Blackbird

Leave it all behind.

Once again for the fourth time in three hours, I find myself staring at a blank space of my wall imagining myself to be somewhere else rather than here. I wonder what has happened to me. I seemingly need more bandages both metaphorically and literally to patch up those parts of me that has been broken. I probably couldn’t count every scar on two hands and two feet. Caught up in between dreaming and sleeping, life has gotten me to this place where nothing really moves, just time, really.

I’m walking down a crowded NY street. It’s Christmas in the city. Like, really Christmas. Snow, everyone huddled up in heavy trenchcoats and colourful mittens, holding cups of hothotchocolate. Boots crunching in the snow; etc. I’ve always wanted to spend a Christmas in NY, just because. The pretty shop windows, with all the Christmas lights, every kid on the street peering into shops and pressing their noses against the glass, and drawing smiley faces in their condensed breaths. Heck, the snow is a good enough reason for me to want to be there. I’d spend hours skating at Rockafella Centre, in front of the huge Christmas tree, watching people glide along ice, some hand in hand, others just smiling and being content with the fact that tis’ the season to be jolly, like me. Then maybe sit at some random bench in Central Park, counting down, wondering and wishing.

Snap back to real time. Wanderlust has to wait. I need to get myself out of this rut first before I can move anywhere else. It definitely is taking longer than usual. Be there to pull me out please?