My guessing chance.

Here I am at work, standing behind the counter with a blueberrywithyoughurt muffin, bottle of water, my aloe gel and diary all before me. There aren’t many people in the centre today. Makes work a little quiet and frankly, boring. But I’ve decided that while punk music rocks into one ear and pop floats into my other, this time alone, is probably the best to, think.

-

I honestly don’t mean to second guess you all the time but sometimes, that’s all I really ever think about. However, everytime I pick up all the guts that I have to tell you that maybe… you turn up and then once again, it’s worth every fighting chance there is.

-

Part of me wants to leave and forget, the other wants to stay and gather all the memories that will eventually be left behind, put them in a box and store them somewhere there. It’s taken this long to settle and subside, sink in. I’m not ready to leave.

-

I was in the toilet before and the cleaner was standing right next to me wiping the sinks and mirrors. She’s gotta be a grumpy person, all of them are. And there is no mistaking with that upturned nose and perpetually furrowed brows…I think to myself. But hey, people like her should be more appreciated. So I look up, smile at her and say, Thanks.

She looked up in surprise, but broke into a wide smile and said a small thankyou(:

-

Oh, all the uncertainties in life. What should I do first when I get home? Shower or pack? What should I eat? Do I need new jeans? Really? What am I going to be when I grow up? More pressing though, who am I going to be? Or who do I want to be? Who do You want me to be? Ah, something I shall contemplate.

-

Funny, I never realised how much I missed writing.

Overthought.

Don’t know why I care/ Not sure why I bother/ Can’t pretend that I don’t/ Wonder why I wait/ Figures that maybe I’m silly/ Imagine that I could just be an idiot/ Sometimes don’t understand myself/ Stuck in the middle of nowhere/ Too much to say/ Words don’t quite cut it all/ Life’s in boxes and all over the place/ Need some air maybe I’ve had too much space/ Just to be closer/ Not going to let the tears fall fast/

Sunkissed.

A weekend away always proves to be refreshing before coming back to face another hectic week full of excitement and daunting tasks like: packing and moving, which I will write about soon. I hope. So the Grampians two years on was a whole new experience altogether. First, our encounter with really cloudy nights which clears up on your way back. So we ended up heading to the lake, telling LochNess monster stories and watching the stars move from point to point. Beautiful I tell you. A whole night of CuthuluMunchkin plus wine and tea before sleepingsoundly, crickets and all outside. Huge, elaborate breakfasts [its the Singaporean thing] before heading toward HallsGap and tenclick up to the Pinnacle. Spectacular views and no reception. Rocksitting and lunch consisting of ham, cheese, mayo and bread. Plus vege. Yum. Then it was back down, with a can of Coke from the general store as our motivation since it was burning hot. Well, now I’m sunkissed. Burnt would be a better word actually.

When the world looks at you…

like that, you just wished that there was this hole in the ground you could disappear into.

Daddy’s shoulders.

Hold me together like you always do

Carry me on strong shoulders

Don’t let me fall apart

 Catch me if I fall too deep

Mend my broken soul

Be my strength

Two years on.

Clarity-3rd Nov 2005

“Somethings in life, aren’t as clear as she’d like them to be. Like, where she’s gonna be, where she’s gonna work, who she will be, etc. She always wished that she knew what could be. Guess it’s one of the insecurities she has.

And there are no answers are there? There are no, yes and nos. Maybes and ifs are the only things that are actually definite. How ironic is that? She has to convince herself that there are no clear answers.

But inside of her screams, I want the answers and I want them now.

Sigh. Demanding spoilt brat.

She’d wait, for it to be crystal clear.
Patience, is holding back.

She drags herself out of bed. Sits up, and looks down at her feet.

“Faith is a choice. And i’m making that choice today, to trust You.”

I guess I’m just scared things will change.”

-

Guess what, two years on, I’m in that same wondering state as I was. Funny how time flies and the world moves on. But not really too.

Time to walk away.

While the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds wear on, I struggle to keep my head above the water, barely breathing. The days are getting warmer, I’m getting that much closer to leaving everything behind. Moments and memories that I wished could have lasted a little longer, I should put aside. Hide myself under my sheets and cry for just a little while to feel a tad better.

It probably just hurts to have to bite my lip, and walk away, praying that the tears don’t fall too fast. 

Please meet me where I’m at. 

The things I live for.

Days spent doing absolutely nothing, letting the sunshine burn into your skin while your toes sink into the cold wet grass. Close my eyes and wonder what the rest of the world is doing, not caring if everything second and minute is just going to pass me by just like that. Knowing that for once, just this moment, time doesn’t matter. All that much anyway.

Suitcases and travel bags.

Till then I guess you gotta pack/I pray that you’ll come home soon

POD.

Feet are killing me, ears are completely ringing, dehydrated, the works, but I had a blast. Thanks girls (: